Letters from War
by writeallnight
Summary: Deeks finds a letter with his name on it in Kensi's closet. It turns out to be a letter he was never supposed to see. Takes place sometime post "Humbug."


A/N: So this one hurt my heart to write. And I loved every minute of it. Enjoy!

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"Kens, we're going to be late!" Deeks called.

He could still hear the shower running and checked his watch for the fifth time. They were going to be lucky if the restaurant was still open at the rate she was going. "Kensalina!" he yelled again.

"I heard you!" she yelled back over the sound of the water. "You're not the one who jumped in a dumpster today Deeks!"

She clearly wasn't coming out anytime soon. Deeks briefly considered giving up the whole evening to join her in the shower but immediately rejected the idea when his stomach growled loudly. They'd had this reservation for a month and if he was hungry his partner was probably starving.

"Is there anything I can do to get us there before next Tuesday?" he asked.

"Go get my shoes!"

The water finally turned off.

"Any pair in particular?" he inquired with a roll of his eyes.

"The purple ones. In the black box."

"I have been demoted to shoe fetcher. Like a dog," Deeks looked down at Monty, waiting faithfully by his side. "Maybe we should just trade places. You can bust the bad guys and I'll drink out of the toilet. Heck, I already let you sleep with my girlfriend, she probably won't even know the difference."

"What are you saying?" Kensi yelled.

"Nothing!" Deeks called back.

The dog followed him as he walked to Kensi's closet. Deeks shook his head and squinted at all the shelves, his eyes searching for a black shoe box. "Aha!" he cried when he located it on the top shelf.

He reached up for it, not realizing that its removal would result in a collapse reminiscent of a game of Jenga. "Ow!" he yelled as a stack of books and boxes tumbled down onto his head.

"You okay?" Kensi called from the bathroom.

"Yeah, your closet just tried to kill me. I'm good though!" he bent to pick up some of the fallen items. "You are having a yard sale. I'm putting my foot down. When the sky starts raining," he looked at the book in his hand, "trashy romance novels, I draw the line."

"Leave my stuff alone!"

Something caught Deeks' eye and he bent down to pick it up. It was an envelope, slightly worn around the edges, a crease down the middle where it had once been folded in half. Deeks flipped it over and was surprised to find his name scrawled across the flap in Kensi's handwriting.

"Hey, this has my name on it!" he yelled but was drowned out by the sound of the blow dryer. "That means it's mine. Can I open it?"

He tucked the shoebox under one arm and moved to sit on the edge of Kensi's bed as he turned the envelope over in his hands. "Is this an early Christmas present?" he yelled, but the blow dryer was still going strong. "I'm going to open it!"

He slid his finger under the flap and unearthed a single page of writing on the back of a computer printout. Deeks felt his heartbeat quicken as he looked closer and recognized regional names from Afghanistan. Flipping it over he began to read.

 _Dear Deeks,_

 _You deserve so much more than a letter but it's all I can do. I wish I had a better explanation for you. I just know I need answers. I can't go on without them. I saw someone here, I think I did anyway, but I have to know for sure. I have to find out what's going on. Somebody's lying and until I figure out who I can't come home. I know it's a risk Deeks, but I have to take it._

 _If I don't come back, I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we didn't have more time to figure out us. I'm sorry that I won't be around to watch your back. I wish that things had been different. I so wanted them to be._

 _You've been the best partner, the best friend I could have ever asked for. Give my best to everyone else. Tell them I'm sorry. I'll see you on the other side._

 _-Kensi_

"Okay, I'm almost ready. Did you—" Kensi came out of the bathroom and stopped short at the sight of her partner's face. "What's wrong?"

He handed her the letter, unable to speak.

She sank down onto the bed next to him. "Where did you find this?" she asked.

"It was on the floor," he told her. "Kens, what—"

"You were never supposed to see that," she told him. "I didn't want you…"

"Is this," Deeks swallowed hard, "is this your goodbye letter?"

Her hands shook. "I didn't mean for you to ever find it. I thought I left it in Afghanistan." She looked up at him. "Deeks I had to know. When I saw Jack…I had to know."

"Even if it meant losing everything?" he whispered.

She nodded, tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry."

He stood. "I think I uh…I think I need a minute."

"Yeah, okay," she said.

He was halfway out the door when he turned back and in a single movement, pulled her off the bed and into his arms, kissing her fiercely. He pulled away still cradling her face in his hands. "Don't ever say goodbye to me again," his voice was rough, thick with emotion, as he tangled his fingers in her hair and kissed her again. "Please."

She nodded, breathless.

"Good," he brushed a strand of hair from her cheek. "I don't think I want to go out tonight."

"Okay," she replied.

"Can we just…I just need to hold you for a little while," he told her.

"I'd like that."

He kissed her until they were both dizzy. "I love you Kensi Blye," he studied her face. "I hope you know that."

She smiled. "I know."

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A/N: Leave your love in the reviews!


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